“I Want To”

Shutting off my emotions

Oh! How I wish I could do

Covered by some illusion

That I’d be loved too

So blinded by passion

Never knew it was disaster I’ll bump into

Scared of rejection

Yet still looking for affection

Knowing one’s love is just an infection

That will just add up to my depression

I tell myself enough is enough

I wanted to let go and be tough

But honestly I’m softer than cream puff

Just wanted to avoid rebuff

I try to make myself believe

That they will bring nothing but grieve

That one day I’d be betrayed or deceived

And that they would have to leave

But I can’t do it

Can’t make myself submit

I’d rather myself fall than commit

It was hard to admit

The truth is I don’t want to quit

I want to be happy and carry through

I don’t want to care about other people’s point of view

Or the smell of his shampoo

I’m seriously tired and that is true

I want to stop knowing where he’d been thru

Or who he was into

However, whenever I’m almost there

He suddenly appears in thin air

Hopes that we’ll be a pair

Later becomes despair

The lesson was learned

I fell and I was burned

Although I am alarmed

I know I’ll still choose to return

Stupid! I let myself get ruined

For someone who’s not even concerned

I never could’ve discerned

That they have me charmed

Left me wounded and frozen

Even the gods have spoken

For my eyes to be open

To the reality that I was left broken

I thought all of a sudden

If a chance was given

To erase love’s burden

It was still love that I would’ve chosen

 

I want to forget and move on

To detach myself from accrue

No more devotion, attraction and passion

So that I’ll never be blue

Take away everything even compassion

In order to be anew

I want to block even the slightest affection

To never feel anything for you

No more adoration or obsession

Just want to not care and let go

I want to shut off my emotions

I honestly want to, but no can do!

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