I had once loved a girl so much. Even though we’ve only been together for a couple of months, it was everything to me. Stefanie Colerico was different from all the girls I’ve been with. We had a love that consumed us up to the point where it ruined us. I never knew I could love someone so much and can be hurt as much by the same person. With her, I discovered that there is a thin line between love and hate. Our love, it wasn’t perfect. In fact, it was messy and fatal. It burnt through our soul and it made us do the things we never thought we would do. At the beginning, our love grew but then the flame was too much, it had to burn something. True to it, she cheated on me with my friend. The pain was unbearable. It slowly killed me. I hated her so much for hurting me but I hated myself more because I still loved her despite everything she’s put me through. I channeled all my anger into revenge. I tried to fuck her up like how she fucked me up. But instead, I looked into her eyes and I fell in love all over again. Her sadness—it was beautiful. It made me want grab her, hold her tight and take care of her.
“I was just trying to fuck you up. It was all part of my plan to hurt you,” I said as we argued once before.
She looked me straight into the eyes and said, “you’re lying. I can see it in your eyes.”
She was right; I was lying. I still love her even if I kept lying to everyone including myself about it. I couldn’t leave her alone. Usually whenever I give up, they always give up too. With Stefanie, though, it was different. She always fought me even if I pushed her away so hard.
There was a point when I didn’t want to deal with her anymore; that I was too tired of all the bull shit. But then I see her with my best friend, Gabe—whom she’s been crushing on since we broke up—and I get all angry and jealous. I don’t care, I don’t care, I delusively told myself. But the truth is, I did care… so much. It made me come up with lies like how I told her that Gabe hated her even when Gabe didn’t. I was scared because deep down inside of me, I always suspected that Gabe really did fancy her. I knew they would never have hit it off because Gabe was my best friend. However, some part of me was still scared since Stefanie did have that charm that you just couldn’t resist. Thankfully, they never did hit it off.
Whenever I tried so hard to hurt Stefanie, she just hurt me right back where it hurts the most. I blocked her everywhere because it just hurt so damn much seeing her with all those boys that are hung up on her. I still don’t know why she does it. Because I was scared of falling madly in love with her again, or at least admitting that I still was, I started showing off that I was happy with a new girl—someone she used to be jealous of when we were still dating. She was mad when she first heard about it but then, to my shock; it was as if I just pushed her more towards happiness. She was supposed to be hurt and hung up on me for replacing her, but instead she did the opposite. She started to bloom and started fix herself. I pushed her so hard that she started fighting for herself instead of fighting for me. And it made me miserable because she was happy without me.
After that, I’ve never truly loved anyone so passionate. She was the one person I hated most but she was also the one I loved the most. She was my great love. Not because our relationship was great but because our love was so passionate. It had no boundaries, no limiting. It was beyond measure, nothing you could imagine. She was someone I loved so much up to the point where I literally wanted to kill her. Stefanie Colerico was not the girl I married. She was not the one I’ve dated for the longest. In fact, she was the shortest amongst all. And though I am happy with the one I call my soul mate, Stefanie Colerico was, still, and will always be the love of my life.