To The Boy I Cheated On

I’m okay now. I’ve been seeing someone already. I’m no longer begging for you to come back whenever I text you from time to time. I’ve finally accepted the fact that we are over. But that doesn’t mean I want to lose you in life forever. It is because I acknowledge the fact that we had something special before it happened. And if it would be fine with you, I would like to keep you in my life. Like I always tell you, just because we’re over doesn’t mean I couldn’t care less about you. It doesn’t change how I feel about you. I will always care for you. Of course, there are days when I wonder how you are or if you’re okay and that’s why I check up on you from time to time. Please believe that even if I did cheat on you, it doesn’t mean that I loved you any less or that I loved to people at the same time. A million apologies would not equal to how much I’ve hurt you, I know. But for what it’s worth, and for the millionth time, I am truly sorry. There isn’t a day that has gone by that I don’t regret what I did to you, trust me. Every night it haunts me to think that I’ve hurt the only person I ever loved. As much as I’d prefer you to be with me, I’m very much afraid that I might hurt you again. It is because I loved you so much that I had to let you go a long time. I want you to love again and give your heart again to the one worthy of it like it was never broken. Yes, I miss you from time to time, if you’re wondering, but I really want you heal and to be happy. I don’t want you to be this jerk that you’ve become; the person whose heart was broken by some girl and is now breaking the hearts of many. I still care about you and how you are. This is why I am very concerned about you. A part of me feels very much responsible for whom you’ve become and I don’t like it. I don’t want you to ruin your life just because of it. You’re better than this. Let it be a lesson to you and make you a better person. I’ve learned my mistake. Yes, I shouldn’t have cheated on you. And for a time, I let myself get lost in the darkness because I didn’t want to accept the fact that we are over. Because it hurt so much that I still loved you and chose you after everything but you walked a different path, one that doesn’t have me in it. But now, I’m okay. I’m in a better place now. I found my peace and I hope you find yours too. Please feel everything instead of pretending to be numb. Don’t burry them all inside you because it will consume you and get the best of you. Be strong, not for me, but for yourself. You’ll get through this eventually. I felt you. I felt your pain, and I wanted to lessen it and just hug you. I wanted you to be okay. I wish that when I let you go completely, you’d be this person I could say was my loss. I wish that when I start to move on, I wouldn’t look back at you because I already have assurance that you’re doing better without me, that it doesn’t hurt anymore. And when you hear my name, you’ll actually smile and say, “I loved that girl once”. I don’t want you to be bitter. Yes, I hurt you but focus on the fact that I loved you so much it actually drove me crazy. It drove us crazy. And when you accept it, you’ll look back at our past and see that it was actually beautiful. You’re holding onto the bad side of our relationship. Let it go. Let the pain go. Let me go. And when that happens, I promised I’d let go too.

Love,

The one and only

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