Out of All the Boys, It’s You That I Want

Hypothetically speaking, if I was ever to fall in love anytime soon, I want him to be the one I fall for. As I lie down wasting time overthinking about life in general, I thought about the few guys that I’ve been flirting with at the moment. Basically I’ve been flirting with quite a couple of guys. Of course I’m not going to name them by their real names. There’s Adam, the hottie. I like everything about his physical appearance. Whenever I think about him, it’s like my whole body melts. Everyone I knew complimented me for catching his attention. “Solid,” they described him. Then there’s Francisco. Well, there’s nothing much about Francisco. It was just that he was rich and he finds me super cute. I’m not really interested in him that much. Next is Austin—the cute bad boy. It’s funny because the first time I saw him, I already knew that I wanted him and I knew he felt the same. But he didn’t do anything about it because he’s the “bad boy” or the typical fuck boy. The second time I saw him was in a college party. I knew he knew me because we were standing about a foot away from each other and he kept looking at me but he still wouldn’t introduce himself. After so long, I saw him talking to a common friend, gossiping about some fight that happened in the party. Taking the opportunity to talk to him, I asked who was the one fighting. He took the cue and finally introduced himself, and then he never left my side the whole night. “Gotcha,” I thought with a big smile on my face. Of course let us not forget the campus crush that doesn’t fall in love. It took me months of chasing Sander. And then finally, we officially met for the first time. I used all my charms with him and now he’s wrapped around my fingers too. With all the boys I flirt with, I can’t see myself dating them really. Well, except maybe Adam but then it’s just all physical. I enjoy flirting with him and I enjoy how every one looks at me whenever I’m out publicly displaying flirtation with these boys. But that is it. Nothing is what I feel for these men. Though I can have whomever I want, there’s still this one guy—practically the only guy worth falling for. But with all the sadness in the world, I couldn’t have him due to some difficulties with the people around us. If we take what we have to the next level, we’re going to hurt someone. And that he couldn’t do. It makes us both wish that we met in another time or if the situation was different. I think about him a lot and how maybe we could be. But then reality wouldn’t let us happen. I wonder now if he’d fall in love with me, would he fight for me or would he just keep it to himself and runaway every time he thinks he’s having feelings? If only our relationship wasn’t complicated because I couldn’t find a decent person enough worth risking my heart for other than him. “We want what we can’t have. It’s human nature,” Cora Carmack once said.

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